thoughts about love
Recently, I've read a couple of things about love that made me think.
First, Anne Lamott said she used to believe that it was a black and white world, that everything has its opposite: dark/light, high/low, etc. But now, she believes love does not have an opposite. Isn't that a wonderful thought?
Second, reading an interview with Tibetan Buddhist Lama Gehlek Rimpoche in the Toronto Star on Sunday, I started thinking about love and attachment.
Of course, we become attached to those we love, our children, our grandchildren, our lovers...In some ways this is healthy and helpful. Investment of ourselves in those relationships to a healthy degree is good for all concerned. An extreme is always to be avoided.
Lately, I've been pondering the attachment we experience in the anticipation of a relationship, the obsessive questioning: "Is this The One?" (perfect lover, perfect mate, perfect son/daughter, perfect employee/employer, perfect client, etc.) It is so much easier to stay in the moment, enjoying the unfolding, the goodness of each person one encounters as they are now--without weighing them against what we perceive to be lacking, what is "not good enough" in each person or in ourselves to make the relationship with this person The One.
If, as I have come to believe, we attract into our lives whatever we dwell upon, it would be foolish to start noticing the defects and shortcomings our relationships and complaining to the universe; we will inevitably be presented with more of the same! Haven't you noticed how often a woman goes from one abusive relationship to another? Or how often, if you just know you are going to have a great day at work, dealing easily with coworkers or clients, etc, you do end up having a great day?
Therefore, if we can somehow manage to see the best in everyone we meet and enjoy just that, without worrying about whether they will measure up to our expectations and ideals of The One, maybe they will continue to grow better and more beautiful forever, whether our lives continue a parallel path or not. If not, the universe is ready to bring along an even better and more beautiful person whose path will run parallel to ours for a while or longer...
This is my very pleasant mystery of the moment: how to detach myself from my images of The One, and start enjoying right now.
First, Anne Lamott said she used to believe that it was a black and white world, that everything has its opposite: dark/light, high/low, etc. But now, she believes love does not have an opposite. Isn't that a wonderful thought?
Second, reading an interview with Tibetan Buddhist Lama Gehlek Rimpoche in the Toronto Star on Sunday, I started thinking about love and attachment.
Of course, we become attached to those we love, our children, our grandchildren, our lovers...In some ways this is healthy and helpful. Investment of ourselves in those relationships to a healthy degree is good for all concerned. An extreme is always to be avoided.
Lately, I've been pondering the attachment we experience in the anticipation of a relationship, the obsessive questioning: "Is this The One?" (perfect lover, perfect mate, perfect son/daughter, perfect employee/employer, perfect client, etc.) It is so much easier to stay in the moment, enjoying the unfolding, the goodness of each person one encounters as they are now--without weighing them against what we perceive to be lacking, what is "not good enough" in each person or in ourselves to make the relationship with this person The One.
If, as I have come to believe, we attract into our lives whatever we dwell upon, it would be foolish to start noticing the defects and shortcomings our relationships and complaining to the universe; we will inevitably be presented with more of the same! Haven't you noticed how often a woman goes from one abusive relationship to another? Or how often, if you just know you are going to have a great day at work, dealing easily with coworkers or clients, etc, you do end up having a great day?
Therefore, if we can somehow manage to see the best in everyone we meet and enjoy just that, without worrying about whether they will measure up to our expectations and ideals of The One, maybe they will continue to grow better and more beautiful forever, whether our lives continue a parallel path or not. If not, the universe is ready to bring along an even better and more beautiful person whose path will run parallel to ours for a while or longer...
This is my very pleasant mystery of the moment: how to detach myself from my images of The One, and start enjoying right now.
posted by Kati at 12:30 AM
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