Spending time with yourself is a creative act of healing and regeneration.
Even when I take the time for solitude, however, that time often becomes a cycling of emotions, up and down, as the story I'm telling myself goes through it's dramas. Why is this happening to me? How will I get through this? I remember something I forgot to do. Wouldn't it be fun if...? And so off goes the mind, back in its driver's seat again, taking me through a thoroughly entertaining ramble, but totally out of myself.
Sometimes I catch myself, and try to be present, now. And then I start thinking about how I might handle things once I have settled down, once I'm beyond now...right back into the non-existent future.
That is not the only technique the mind and ego have for asserting the dominance. It gets uglier. Something happens that I wasn't expecting or wanting, or my wandering thoughts return to a sore spot, a tender place of hurt and pain -- and bam! I start telling myself the all too familiar story of how I never get anything right, or never succeed, or bad stuff always happens to me, and I am always in pain. It doesn't matter that it's all negative stuff; my ego is just getting bigger and bigger in this completely made-up scenario and has made itself the tragic hero of the piece!
And what happened to myself during all this time? I am forgotten. How quickly I was drawn away from being with myself, spending time with myself, and followed the mind skittering off this way and that, frenetic, restless, searching, busy, busy, busy. What a relief it would be to have some silence from my mind for a time. I start to realize I am not my mind, but my mind tortures me with thoughts!
How interesting it would be to really create space for yourself for a change, to really be with yourself, to offer yourself some gentleness, some loving kindness.
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
Remind yourself that you have allowed your mind and ego to be in control for a long, long time. Your mind is not accustomed to letting go and being quiet. You need to be gentle with yourself before you can be gentle with anybody else. Each fragment of a split second in which there is a gap between thoughts is good enough, a resting place. It may not be a long period time, but it is a space, it is deep and it is enough. Be loving with yourself. Speak lovingly to yourself. Peace and regeneration of your spirit will come.
Labels: surrendering thought